Mike Pence Isn’t A Lock For The 2020 Ticket

Mike Pence Isn’t A Lock For The 2020 Ticket


>>Stephen: WELCOME TO “THE LATE
SHOW.” I’M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. IT’S FRIDAY! HEEEEEYYY!!! GET IN HERE! IT’S BEEN A HARD WEEK FOR
PRESIDENT TRUMP. A LOT OF BAD NEWS. HE LEARNED SOME MORE STUFF ABOUT
HOW HIS BUDDIES MICHAEL COHEN AND MIKE FLYNN ARE WORKING WITH
MUELLER. AND NOW HE MIGHT LOSE HIS LAST
REMAINING MIKE: PENCE.( LAUGHTER )
BECAUSE, EARLIER THIS WEEK, TRUMP HOSTED A 2020 STRATEGY
MEETING WITH HIS ADVISERS. AMONG THE TOPICS DISCUSSED:
WHETHER MIKE PENCE SHOULD REMAIN ON THE TICKET. THIS IS A MAJOR FAILURE. IF HE GETS DROPPED, THAT WILL BE
A MAJOR FAILURE OF MIKE PENCE’S TIME-TESTED POLITICAL
STRATEGY: “BE SO BORING PEOPLE FORGET YOU EXIST.” HE IS A MANILA ENVELOPE TAPED TO
A BEIGE WALL. THE CAMPAIGN HAS DONE POLLING
THAT SHOWS PENCE DOESN’T EXPAND TRUMP’S COALITION, WITH ADVISORS
TELLING THE PRESIDENT, “HE DOESN’T DETRACT FROM IT, BUT HE
DOESN’T ADD ANYTHING EITHER.” DOESN’T ADD. DOESN’T DETRACT. HE’S– HE’S– HE’S JUST GARNIC. HE’S LIKE– HE’S LIKE PARTLY
SUNNILY THAT DOESN’T LIKE GAY PEOPLE.( LAUGHTER )
>>Jon: WOW, WOW.>>Stephen: MY APOLOGIES TO
PARSLEY.( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
IF PENCE– IF PENCE DOES GET
FIRED, HE COULD STILL HAVE A ROLE IN POLITICS. HE COULD RETURN AMONG HIS FELLOW
WHITE WALKERS AND BECOME “VICE NIGHT KING.” OR HE COULD JUST GO BACK TO HIS
OLD JOB. I THINK IT WAS OFF-WHITE PAINT
SWATCH?( LAUGHTER )
SUN-FADED DEPARTMENT STORE MANNEQUIN? GHOST OF A PLAIN YOGURT?( LAUGHTER )
OF COURSE, THERE’S ANOTHER MAJOR FIGURE WHO MIGHT NOT MAKE IT TO
2020: THE EARTH. BECAUSE, ACCORDING TO NEW
CLIMATE RESEARCH, GREENHOUSE GAS EMISSIONS ARE ACCELERATING LIKE
A SPEEDING FREIGHT TRAIN. OKAY, NOW, IT’S A COMPLICATED
REPORT, BUT THEY PUT IT OUT IN A CHILDREN’S BOOK: “THE LITTLE
ENGINE THAT COULD KILL US ALL.”( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
I THINK WE’RE DOOMED! I THINK WE’RE DOOMED! I THINK WE’RE DOOMED! I THINK WE’RE DOOMED! SO, HOW SERIOUS IS IT? WELL, APPARENTLY, THE WORLD IS
ON PACE TO RELEASE “A RECORD 37.1-GIGATONS OF PLANET-WARMING
EMISSIONS IN 2018,” WHICH IS “ROUGHLY 100,000 TIMES THE
WEIGHT OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING.” YOU KNOW, I REALLY APPRECIATE
THAT THEY PUT CLIMATE CHANGE INTO COMMON, EVERYDAY METRICS
THAT AVERAGE FOLKS CAN UNDERSTAND: EMPIRE STATE
BUILDING WEIGHTS. MY GRATITUDE FOR THAT METAPHOR
IS 17 TIMES THE DREAMS OF A GOLDFISH.( LAUGHTER )
CLIMATE CHANGE–( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
17 TIMES. AND CLIMATE CHANGE IS ALREADY
HAVING AN IMPACT ON SANTA AND HIS REINDEER, BECAUSE 100 MILES
NORTH OF THE ARCTIC CIRCLE, THERE’S STILL NOT ENOUGH SNOW
FOR REINDEER TO BEGIN THEIR ANNUAL MIGRATION. SO THE REINDEER ARE DOING THEIR
PART. RUDOLPH EVEN REPLACED HIS NOSE.( LAUGHTER )
AND IF THIS KEEPS UP, SANTA IS GOING TO HAVE TO CONVERT HIS
SLEIGH OVER TO ANIMALS THAT DO MUCH BETTER IN HOT WEATHER. “ON LANKY, ON NECKY, ON TALL-Y,
ON BECKY!”

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100 Replies to “Mike Pence Isn’t A Lock For The 2020 Ticket”

  1. For the sake of our country and Life on Earth, we have to somehow keep these theocratic kooks from infiltrating our government.

  2. David Keith was on LSSC to talk about Climate Change and what he and those IPCC bastards are doing to the earth and her inhabitants in the name of Global Warming. Why no follow up? Too real? Spraying aerosols of sulfuric acid, toxic chemicals and heavy metals to reflect sunlight – well, they are DOING IT and it is proving to raise the temperatures and humidity worldwide. They have no remorse, no soul, no empathy, and NO science.

  3. It would be inconceivably sad if future generations of children had no live Reindeer so Santa/Christmas stories wouldn't bring Joy to them bcus it made no sense…

  4. Here is a Xmass song.
    " America's the laughing stock/ trump supporters think's ok / oh don't worry fvcks / Mueller's on the way. Go to hell, go to hell / go all the way / have some fun going down / going all the way.

  5. hey stephen the clown i am halleberry remember me????xxxminibierxxx at minds.com u are reading from a promter so u are the puppet

  6. FYI Cobert, Pence cannot be fired. He can only be impeached by congress. Which needs the house and the senate. It's not going to happen and I'm a dem.

  7. I like how the Little Train That Could Kill Us All is carrying an elephant with a frontal lobotomy scar, representing the GOP and their stance on the global warming that could kill us all.

  8. Keep in mind folks, in a televised interview recorded for posterity (or possibly evidence), Pence said without reservation or hesitation that no one involved in the Trump campaign or transition team was at any time in contact with Russians. He was either kept insulated by those involved or he’s lying. My bet is on the later.

  9. I say let's switch to hydrogen to power our transportation. Yeah-I'm sure there are those who'll say hydrogen production consumes more energy to produce than what it provides as a motor fuel but petroleum/gasoline is not so energy efficient when one figures in the amount of energy it takes to extract oil from the ground, transport it to refineries, refine into fuels, then transport to gas stations across the country.Hydrogen can produced using solar energy. Electric cars seem to be a viable option as well but I think hydrogen will be the best bet once the technology improves. Just my thoughts….

  10. Pence is like Biden. Someone who knows a lot because of years of experience. No foreign policy experience. Biden wanted to bomb Rwanda's genocidal nazis.

  11. Ha ha ha, but seriously we're all going to die. It's crazy that all the scientists are warning us about this VERY REAL PROBLEM that's getting worse, and we all just seem to tune it out. When will the world get serious about climate change?

  12. Don't be surprised if Trump declines to run again, or is unable to run again. Pence would then likely run for president and Evangelical Cults will vote for him, even though he has knowingly lied for Trump and lies about his own harsh political career. He is an abomination.

  13. How people don't see were destroying the planet is beyond me. If facts and science aren't enough to convince them than nothing except death will.

  14. speaking of parsley…Pence IS like parsley; take it (him) away and no one would notice (ref The Fabulous Baker Boys).  the man has no leadership skills or persona and contributes NOTHING

  15. Finally, a decent man in politics and the still have to find something to bust his chops for????????????!!!!!!!!!!!! America is never satisfied! Leave the guy alone…there are enough evil politicians to go after.

  16. My cat hasn’t even grown her winter coat yet! We are in the middle of winter in Canada! My poor baby is predicting the end!

  17. He is like parsley that thinks the Earth is only 6000 years old and that evolution isn't happening and that speaking to woman alone is immoral. . . So. . . He is actually just a crazy person. . .

  18. I guess trumps people don’t have the heart to tell him he’s got no chance of getting re-elected in 2020 he lied about all his promises to the people he’s implicated in multiple felonies he can’t get his wall built or really anything more done now the dems have the house he barely won in 2016 if he loses any votes at all he will lose re-election plus he’s probably going to get indicted once he’s out of office

  19. So 37.1 gigatons is 60 times more than the combined weight of every asian elephant left on earth. That's the combined weight of 18.5 MILLION cars (More than all the cars in California), or 412 MILLION PEOPLE (More than the entire US population) in emissions alone. Think about that.

  20. Given that freight trains are really slow, and take months to get up to speed, "accelerating like a freight train" is actually really not a problem. It just sounds scary. Unlike global warming, which sounds nice, but is actually really scary.

  21. The 3 wealthiest countries in the world – Iceland, Switzerland and Australia are not among the top 10 polluting nations…

  22. Why would you play both outros? The first one is good enough, one at all is good enough. But the second one is a little too loud anyways

  23. It is sad that Pence like so many place more importance on party, position, and paycheck, than speaking up when it comes to what is right and wrong. This in itself should show Americans what most of our Congresspeople, Senate, House Reps, President, Vice President State and Local Officials are made up of, absolutely no ethics, no morals, no value in anything else but party, position, paycheck.

  24. As interesting does that sound… I'm not sure abput jettisoning, but he sure can't say "YOU'RE FIRED!!" to Pence.

  25. Blind loyalty to the fuhrer guarantees nothing. That's one of the lessons people should have learned from Hitler. Then again, learning isn't a RepubliKlan strong point.

  26. Jesus don't just casually drop the hint that we'll be dead by next year without warning. I had to immediately switch off cause anything climate related causes intense panic that lasts for days at times. If there's nothing I can do, and I'm told there isn't much, I'd rather live whatever time I have left in calm and peace than in the constant fear I've been fed since childhood when I was told by a teacher we "might not have an earth" by the time I reached adulthood. 🙁

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